Me...only thinner

Totally fell off the blog wagon

2009-05-20T05:56:00.000-07:00

but not the weight loss wagon. I've been really working hard. It's slow going, but I'm down 10 lbs since I started this blog. I'd ideally like to lose 15 more lbs, but I'm happy with my progress. Still reference Dr. Beck's book although I can't say I'm doing the program. So much has been happening lately and my life has been a tad stressful so I'm just happy that I haven't resorted to stress eating. That's a huge accomplishment for me. I belong to a SparksTeam on Sparkspeople and we're doing a 12 week challenge. I think we've got about 5 more weeks and it's been really great. I also bought a swimsuit. It wasn't in the size I was hoping I'd be by the summer, but it's getting pretty close and there's always next summer. All in all I feel like I'm moving in the right direction and I'm proud of myself.

Catching up

2009-03-05T16:26:00.000-08:00

Week has been crazy with snow and kids off schedule. Just wanted to say that I'm down 4 more lbs and feeling like I could reach goal, ok...at least be close by summer. Doing much better with the carbs and of course the sugar. It's hard, but necessary. Ah well, keep on, keeping on.

Get Real Challenge

2009-02-25T04:36:00.000-08:00

So, I've said for a month that at the beginning of Lent I would stop snacking and the other vices that are keeping me from my goal. So...today is Ash Wednesday. For the next forty days I will not have sweets. I will work my program to it's fullest. I can do this!
Progress thus far has been slow but steady, I'm pleased that I've continued to lose and have identified reasons why my progress has been slow from time to time. I've continued to read the Dr. Beck book, rereading some areas that I struggle with again and again, but the bottom line of the whole thing is plan, document and stay focused on your ultimate goal. That's pretty much what she tells you. You need to plan for your eating and exercising, check, check. You need to document what you eat truthfully by keeping a food journal, check. And you need to not let negative thoughts and actions derail you from your goals, check. So...wish me luck, here I go. Sugar free me!

Slacker Posting

2009-02-14T04:24:00.000-08:00

I don't mean I haven't been working my program...I mean I haven't been posting. I lost 2.5 lbs this week...but that just brought me back to where I was before my monthly visitor, so I guess it was all fluid. I have noticed that my comfy jeans are getting a bit baggier so I will definitely be moving solidly into the next size down...woo hoo, just one size until I reach my goal size. I just wish that number on the scale were moving the way I want. Ash Wednesday, or as I like to think of it as doomsday, lol is coming up and I'm giving up my vices. The white stuff has to go, flour, simple carbs, sugar. I hope to see a big difference in my progress by making these changes and if I can do it for 40 days...well, I should be able to do it forever, right?

Day off

2009-02-06T05:34:00.000-08:00

I'm not feeling the exercise thing today. I'm sort of tired and it's cold outside so I don't feel motivated. I think I'll just stay home and clean (that's exercise, right?) and maybe if I feel like it this afternoon I'll do one of my exercise dvds. I think it's important to take a break to recharge from time to time. I'm realizing that it doesn't have to be all or none. I can do little things that make a difference in my overall health.
Glad to say that I've eaten less sugar this week thus far. I know that my cravings for it will diminish if I avoid it so that's what I'm trying to do.

Sugar!!!

2009-02-02T04:20:00.000-08:00

That old demon has been surfacing recently and I'm really struggling. I've even picked up the OA book "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" and have been reading it. I do feel that my relationship with food at times could be classified as an addiction. It's hard when you're a food addict, because unlike other addiction you still do have to figure out a way to have it in your life. The way you have abstinence when you're a food addict is by not using food in a maladaptive way. Easier said than done. But, I'm taking one day at a time and I'm truly trying. I wish that obtaining a certain number on the scale wasn't an important measure of health and success. I mean if you don't have that number you're deemed unhealthy...or at least less healthy. It's frustrating when I know how hard I've worked. I'm not perfect by any stretch...but I have worked very, very hard.
My weigh in this week was a bust. I gained. Maybe it's water since my friend is visiting me right now...or maybe it's all the snacking I did in the last week. Either way, the scale did not give me the number I was hoping for.
Ah well...tomorrow's another day, right.

Others ways to measure success

2009-01-27T04:36:00.000-08:00

AKA Pick me ups. I was feeling a bit defeated because I hadn't done very well with my eating last week. I blame it on being premenstrual, lol. Nonetheless I have recognized that my body has changed. So I tried on 3 pairs of paints that didn't use to fit me and they fit! WooHoo! I've moved down a size. I'm only one size from the size I want to be regardless of what the scale shows. If I can obtain that size I'll be thrilled. I really should take my measurements with a tape measure so during the times when the scale isn't moving I can still see some progress.

Paying the price

2009-01-26T05:07:00.000-08:00

Well, as I mentioned I had some struggles last week and at my weigh in this morning I paid the price for my spotty commitment. I'm a bit disappointed that I haven't done too well this past week. In examining the reasons why that might be, I have to be honest and say that my diet is the culprit. I am a carboholic big time. I love sweets and especially anything chocolate. I can't seem to avoid them either...well I guess I can, but for some reason I don't. Alright, enough negativity, here are the things I've been doing right, I've been drinking more water although not quite the eight glasses a day I'm shooting for. I've been tracking my foods, including all the junk too. I've been working out consistently, even working out at home when I couldn't make it to the gym...which is huge for me, because I usually find some excuse not to do it if I can't go to the gym. I've also increased my work out times to 75mins/day and added some weight training on two other days of the week so that I'm doing strength training 2-3 times/week. So, this week, no junk! Also I need to really work on taking five minutes a night to plan my meals and day. That's one of the Dr. Beck strategies. I do think that's important too, so I will work on that this week. Alright...so I have a plan.

Not such a good day.

2009-01-22T13:52:00.000-08:00

I don't really feel stressed or particularly emotional in any way, but I've been snacking out today. I'm not sure why either. I've had Chinese food, pizza, ice cream and a couple of cookies. I did work out this morning and burn 900 calories, so maybe that's triggered my hunger...but I don't even think I'm all that hungry. I guess this is what is meant by dusting yourself off and getting back on the horse. Anyways...it's the snacking that I really struggle with more than anything...the sweets. I probably just need to go cold turkey and give up sweets the way I did when I gave up drinking sodas. That's what I will do...starting now.

Weighin and Pitfalls

2009-01-20T08:39:00.000-08:00

After having been in at a plateau for a couple month, I think I've broken through since this was the second week to post a loss...however small. I'd like to loss 20 more pounds,I think I can too...it's just going to take a lot of hard work and commitment. Although it's easy to get discouraged, part of me is glad that I'm having to work hard and make real changes to achieve my goal weight. I'm very hopeful that the changes I'm making are real lifestyle changes. It's hard...I'm not going to lie, but I workout and I try and eat the best I can. Sometime I do great, sometimes I don't, but I keep on going...just like anyone else. I've started a running class and have been running on the treadmill and I'm proud of what my body can do. I still have to work on the sweets (I plan to really give them up for Lent). The biggest challenge I'm having is managing myself in environments outside my home, such as work. Work can be a trap because I'm there for so long and there are periods of stress and boredom. Sometimes it's hard to find healthy options, plus people bring in things that are yummy, but not good for you. I have to get better about managing the pitfalls. I'm really working on that though. Still plugging along at the Dr. Beck book. I find the response cards are really helpful. They seem silly, but actually help with the negative self talk. All in all...things are moving in the right direction.

Slow steady...

2009-01-13T08:10:00.001-08:00

Had my weekly weighin, didn't loss but a couple ounces, that's ok though. I'm happy that I'm mentally working really hard and I can say doing much better about the snacking. I've really been asking myself "Are you hungry?" each time I want to reach for something. The majority of the time when I realize I'm not, I don't get the snack. I've also found an online buddy to talk about our struggles, we're both doing the Dr. Beck book and someone at the gym to workout with (although that wasn't as much of an issue).
Someone on the daily plate where I keep my food journal posted a really cool site.
I think it has some great information.
All in all things are going pretty good. Took my second running class. Can I just say that I don't know that I'll ever dig running, especially outside...but it does give you a workout. Tomorrow is an off day as I'm going to a workshop for work. I'm kind of excited not to have to workout, is that bad?

Hunger, desire or craving?

2009-01-09T16:41:00.000-08:00

Currently I'm working on learning to tell the difference between whether or not I'm hungry, having a craving or just have a desire. This is really key for someone like me who is an emotional eater and uses food maladaptively. Today I really tried to pay attention and the interesting thing was I'm very rarely hungry. But, I also have a strong desire to eat certain foods. For example my kids asked to go to the golden arches for lunch today. Now, to me there aren't many things on earth that taste better than hot mcdonald's french fries. Well, as I was driving up I did a check, "Am I hungry?" No, I wasn't...but the smell, I was so tempted to order fries. I didn't though, because I knew it was just a desire. I will need to continue to work on mastering the skill to recognize these because I've confused them many times in the past. Once I learn to really recognize these, then the next step is learning to tolerate hunger and cravings.

I ran!

2009-01-06T11:01:00.000-08:00

I did it...even though it was cold and raining pretty constantly I got out there and tried to run...with a lot of walking going on, we went out for about 40 mins and then I came inside and ran on the treadmill for 20 more. Gosh, running on the treadmill is sooooo much easier than running outside. Anyways, I did it!!! I'm going to plan to run on Thursday too. Oh and I even went to the thrift store and got a fleece pullover to be able to layer on top of my t-shirt. So...I've been rethinking my workout schedule for January. I've wanted to be able to work out 7 days a week...but with my work schedule that's just not feasible so what I think I will do is on Mondays and Fridays I will just do longer workouts. I was thinking something like this.
Monday- Kickboxing or Spin Class & Swimming/Running or weights for a total of 90 minutes.
Tuesday- Running (or Spin Class)
Wednesday- Strength training at home (wii fit or a tape)
Thursday- Running (or Spin Class)
Friday- Muscle Conditioning class & 30 minutes on treadmill or stationary bike for a total of 90 minutes.
We'll see how it goes, that will bring me up to essentially working out 6 days/week in terms of 1hr/day. I'm happy with that. It's not much more really than I've been doing for the last 8 months, but since I want to push to my goal I need to make some changes. Like Bob Greene says I either need to go further or go faster. I don't know that I'll ever be very fast...but I can go further.

Weekly Weighin

2009-01-05T19:01:00.000-08:00

I always weigh in on Mondays. And since it is Monday...I weighed in and I was down 4.6lbs. I'm sure some was water, but I feel like the journaling is really helping me stay on track. Oh and I haven't had any fastfood since I said I wouldn't. I actually don't miss it. Well...not a lot at least. Next, I work on getting off the desserts. I do love a good dessert and while I will still eat them occasionally, let's just say the occasions won't be so frequently, lol. I found a cool site to help determine what my calorie range should be to lose or maintain. It did say that I should be eating around 2400 calories/day for maintenance, but since I want to lose...I'll eat less. I think I need to cut 500 calories/day to lose a pound a week, so that would mean 1900 calories, right? Also I plan to change up my workouts a bit. Tomorrows the big day. I will start the running class. I didn't even take the wimpy way out and sign up for a backup spin class, I'll have no option since the classes always fill up, I'll have to run.
Oh and I've been doing my Dr. Beck.
That's all for now.

Run, Run, as fast as you can,

2009-01-02T12:42:00.000-08:00

I'm really excited about the opportunity to change up my workout routine. I belong to the local YMCA and I really like it. The new schedule just came out and they are starting a running class. It seems like you wouldn't need a class...but I do. I know that I won't do it regularly unless I commit to taking the class. It will meet twice a week and I hope to work up to running three times a week by the Spring. I've read that running is a great way to get a total workout and really help meet those fitness goals. So..I'm super excited. Tuesday will be the first class. I'm giving up my normal spinning class to go and run. I'll let you know how it goes.

Is Wii fit real exercise?

2009-01-01T07:55:00.000-08:00

I don't really think the wii fit will ever replace going to gym for me...but it is fun I must say and some of the exercise are hard and challenging. I think the point is that it gets you moving instead of sitting on the couch and that's awesome. Yesterday was a pretty good day. I had to work, but unlike usual I avoided constant snacking and got in a good bit of water. I also made sure to do my food journal. I'm really trying to stay atuned to my triggers.

Day 1

2008-12-30T04:50:00.001-08:00

Well...hmmm...I did work out(burning 500+ calories according to my heart rate monitor) and I got in about 4 glasses of water. However...snacking was in full steam. I reviewed my food journal and I took in 1526 calories (326 more than my goal...see where the snacking got me?). I'm pretty stressed. We still do not have a tenant for our rental place and of course it's the first of the month and the mortgage is due. It's no small sum either. It was on my mind all day and rather than journal about it or do a distracting activity...I ate a snack bag of pretzels and 2 sugar cookies. Somehow that didn't solve my issues with the money though. Anyways...acknowledgment is the first step right? So...dusting myself. Going to the gym this am, drinking my water, trying not to snack . I went through my workbook for day 1 and 2, creating an environment for success and committing to the diet plan. Also I made out a list of reasons why I want to lose weight. Dr. B. recommends that you do that and make several copies and post them all over...when you feel like slacking off you take out the list and it should remind you of your goals. Also...meal planning. She recommends you plan out the night before what you're going to eat for the next day. That seems counterintuitive to me since it entails me to constantly think, think, think about food...but I guess it's the not thinking that got me where I'm at, right?

Me and Dr. Beck

2008-12-29T04:20:00.000-08:00

People eat for various reasons and I know that some people are lucky enough to have a naturally thin genetic makeup. As you may have guessed, I'm not one of those people. I've been on many, many diets before. But, I've come to realize that losing isn't really the issue. I can lose weight without too much difficulty. It's the maintaining I have trouble with...it's making lasting changes and not picking up old habits. I realize that it's my mind and my way of the thinking that I need to change more than anything. After a bit of research and a recommendation from a friend I've picked up the following book and the companion workbook, The Beck Diet Solution. How this differs I think is that it's a cognitive approach to weight loss. It's a way to retrain my brain using the psychological approach of cognitive therapy. I'm in...I mean I've tried every other approach and when it comes down to it most of the reasons I eat have nothing to do with real physical hunger...it really is all in my head.
So, I'm starting this 6 week plan to train my brain to think like a thin person. At least that's what she says will happen. I've read the first 4 chapters in my workbook and I'm ready to begin. Unlike other books she doesn't have you jump right in. You spend the first two weeks mentally preparing yourself to make lifestyle changes. In the first week I will be working on creating a foundation for success. She has the week divided into daily task. She does say that you can go as fast or as slow as you need to...but you also need to complete each task. So today I'll be reviewing why I want to change my diet and lifestyle and committing to a diet plan. For me my eating plan came from the nutritionist I saw this summer. For others you might want to do a commercial plan such as Atkins or Weight Watchers, whatever works for you. Okay...so I'm off. I'm going to gym to do a spin class this morning and I will be sure to drink my water and journal my intake and activity. Let's get started!

A new year...a new blog

2008-12-27T18:28:00.000-08:00

So, for Christmas I got the wii fit and it got me to thinking about a few things. Namely my struggle with my weight. I didn't grow up overweight, but I became so in my late 20's and lived that way for a decade. I didn't realize it for a long time and it honestly kind of snuck up on me. I'm not going to lie, I love food and I think eating is one of the greatest pleasures in life. But...food was killing me and I definitely don't want to die from an obesity related illness. So about 18 mos ago I started to make some real changes. I was going to be forty and I wanted to live to see my kids grow up. I realized for me that obesity is a disease. A disease that I have to manage like any other disease for the rest of my life. I probably will never be cured. I will always need to be aware of what I eat, why I eat, when I eat and how I eat...forever and for the rest of my life. I will always need to exercise to help me manage my weight and eating. So, as I was thinking, I thought I would give myself a gift. I'm giving myself the gift of time to take care of my health. I will take time each and everyday to promote my health and well being. I'm also issuing myself a challenge for 2009. A challenge to adopt a healthier and consistent lifestyle. I say consistent because I will go along really well for awhile and then something will happen and I will drop off on some important area. I'm very good about exercising at least three times a week, but I've been awful about keeping a food journal and drinking enough water. I've plateaued with my weight loss for the last three months and I suspect that keeping a food journal will have me pinpoint some areas I need to work on and get a better handle on things. So, what's my plan you ask?
1. Exercise a minimum of five times a week.
2. Eat five servings of vegetables/fruits a day
3. Drink eight 8oz. glasses of water daily
4. Give up something that's preventing loss...for me there are 2 items I know are not good. Occasional fast food & sweets. I'm going to start with giving up fast food and begin eliminating the sweets until they are no longer a part of my diet.
5. Stop eating 2 hours before bedtime.
6. Keep a food & activity journal daily. This can be paper, daily plate or sparkspeople.
7. Work on Dr. Beck's workbook, doing one step each week for the 6 weeks.
8. Maintain a calorie intake of 1200 calories/day
Here's how I think that will break down
Breakfast -200
snack-100
Lunch-300
dinner-500
snack-100
I can eat back 25% of calories burned from exercising.